So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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