I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
