Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
