My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Someone came in the potted fern
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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