Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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