i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
