You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
