Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
