yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
