Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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