When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
