Whod you bang
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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