at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My penis needs a shock collar
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Randomize
