Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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