And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
