your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
