So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
