found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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