Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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