I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
