this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
