she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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