That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Randomize
