I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
