i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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