O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
