dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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