You're my little dorito
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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