We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
