Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
