Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
