I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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