the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
