Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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