I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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