I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
