they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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