you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
