i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
