You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My day in three words: secret purse cake
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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