Got a toothbrush?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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