You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
