It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
