I want to walk on stilts...naked
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
