it hurts more in the daytime
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
