It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
