Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
