I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
