I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
