He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
