i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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