I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
