Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
