She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
