he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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