Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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