HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
